IMHO, I think we are a victim of our affluence. Your grandmother, my mother, and even me to some extent (I am 54) learned early on to deal with some level of hardship… my level of hardship was minor compared to my mother, and hers was minor compared to her mother. But still… if I go back to being 8, there was no snacking between meals, food was eaten at the table, you ate what was on your plate, TV was limited to Saturday morning cartoons, homework was assigned and graded, boredom was a part of childhood that forced us o become creative, and long car rides didn’t come with snacks and entertainment. It was not a horrendously difficult time to be a child, but it still required me to live with discomfort, to be pleasant even if I was mad, to be polite, and any temper tantrum was quickly resolved by a smart smack on the tush to remind me that I was not at the center of the universe. (Not a beating, it didn’t really hurt, it was more of a reboot to the system. Pay attention and behave yourself)
I am a substitute teacher in elementary school and I see how very little discomfort kids deal with today. They each have gigantic water bottles, so they don’t even have to get a little thirsty, they get a snack break, they don’t have to wait in between classes to go to the bathroom, homework is rarely assigned, and only graded on vague effort, they don’t have to deal with the humiliating experience of being publicly graded, their homes are filled with toys and screens, they don’t even have to wait until Saturday to watch a cartoon, their favorite is available to stream at any time. Their Spotify playlist is curated to such an extent that they don’t have to listen to music that they don’t like (remember the 80’s when there would be a song that would get so much airplay and it was like… please, make it stop… and so it did, all original music stopped). They don’t even have to get in the car for an hour drive to grandma’s house without mom packing a bagful of snacks to keep them entertained along the way.
It feels like a Princess and the Pea generation… they are uncomfortable with everything because they have never developed the skills necessary to handle the little inconveniences of life, and they don’t even have the good manners to keep their discomfort private, they have to create a spectacle of their tantrums… and there is no one around the reboot the system.
I agree with all of this and even find myself having to actively fight against the comfort I’ve been conditioned to crave. There’s a whole other article here about the way convenience culture has intensified our aversion to discomfort and made us more unhappy in the long term
Stating that kids don't have to wait till in between classes to use the restroom is a bizarre marker for kids being made to feel uncomfortable. UTIs in kids radically reduced when we "allowed" them to become hydrated and use the bathroom as needed.
Well… I have taught for many years, and I would buy that excuse if we expected kids to wait hours before going to the bathroom, but, at the most, they have to wait 40 minutes. While teaching high school, we moved to an electronic pass system, we could see that some kids were “frequent flyers,” that is would use their pass to go to the bathroom multiple times. (Kids with medical issues had no restrictions on bathroom usage). It was clear to me that they were either abusing the privilege or they genuinely were incapable of holding their bladder. More likely, though, they had lost the ability to wait in mild discomfort for the end of the lesson, a discomfort, I might add, that we have all had to endure in silence as adults, either because we are stuck in traffic, stuck in a meeting, standing in line at a concert, or nowhere near a bathroom. How do we expect them to weather adulthood if even holding their bladder for 40 minutes is too much to ask? —and we are not asking more of them than we do of teachers, our bathrooms are further away than theirs and we still have time in between classes to make it there and back.-
(And for elementary school kids, trust me, teacher walk them to the bathroom on a regular basis, so there is no medical risk to holding it in for a little longer.)
I could have quoted and restacked half this article. I’m a millennial. When I was dating before meeting my husband, my major criteria (apart from him needing to be Jewish) was someone who was happy and who I was happy around. Turns out that was a surprisingly radical thought even in 2017. I’m glad my resiliency (because I’ve been through some stuff) has brought me back to happiness. Because what’s the point of telling someone you were in the ICU if you can’t also laugh about the nurse who kept threatening to give you a sponge bath? 😂
For sure! Even when dating was hard, continuing to go back to happiness made it simple. Which is probably true for any organizing principle… but happiness has the bonus of making it fun.
I wish I could print this and hand it out to everyone! I can hardly talk to people who are so deeply cynical about the general state of the world, and then take no accountability. It’s a victimhood culture (and I completely fell for it for a long time) that’s being taught and reinforced.
My grandparents went through truly horrific shit, same as every generation before them.
Our life and world is what we make of it, and if we choose to despair and be cynical with no accountability or change then there will never be positive change.
I always think we live in a beautiful world: the mountains, beaches, forests, deserts, waterfalls, meadows ... it's life and society that's difficult. Still, there's so much to enjoy in this life. Despite everything, I'm glad to be living in this era.
"Our progressive impulse to challenge the status quo and demand better are admirable, and we should keep doing it. But chronic despair isn’t activism. It’s just despair. And that despair is making us less equipped to handle everyday challenges and more inclined towards resigned languishing."
Also, the concept that a perfect life is an empty one and the whole point of living is feeling the highs and the lows - the comfort and the discomfort. Thank you for sharing!!
Thank you for writing this! I’m Gen Z and it drives me crazy when I hear people say the world is “worse than it’s ever been” because apart from that being straight up wrong, it also feel incredible ignorant/disrespectful to the struggles of everyone who came before us.
As a History lover throughout my 30 years of life I can’t tell you how this is important. Of course we are suffering, the world SUCKS but also it’s not that bad. It really is not. We are fucking the earth since the beginning of human existence. We are losing rights but we still have more rights than anyone did 200 years ago. We can eat, shower, rest. But internet still tells us it’s not enough. Not enough to have where to rest because we don’t have money, because we could be productive, because this or that. We know of every single person suffering in the world. We know of everyone who is far more rich than us. We know too much. Maybe that’s our biggest crisis. We know too much and yet it seems we know not enough. We know too much to cause suffering but we seem to have forgotten how to soothe ourselves. We are guilty to be happy with little. We panic we won’t have a world to live in. But we are the people living the longest. Algorithms are not only making us addicted. They are telling us we are sad people. They are making us desperate even if realistically and rationally, some of us are ok. Not rich or in the most wonderful life. But we are ok…. This is a great piece AND URGENT
Deleting TikTok and Instagram the last 4 months has done WONDERS in how I see the world. The internet is not a substitute for real life and does not accurately depict our reality. extreme highs and lows are what the algorithm pushes out to you designed to elicit an emotional response to keep you scrolling their app. (Trust me I loved to scroll) Truly my whole outlook has changed deleting these soul sucking apps. Get off of your phones people and start living. Best thing I have ever done for myself.
LOVVVVEEEDD this so so much. I think especially politically people have such a tendency to complain and say “things are awful” or “they’re all as bad as each other” but don’t DO anything about it. You can’t just wallow in it and complain. If you want a difference, make a change. I know people who endlessly complain about things like this and then DONT VOTE.
Thank you for this very well written reality check. The phrase, “comparison is the thief of joy” has been hanging around in my mind recently, and this piece is a great reminder to log off and look at what is my reality. It really isn’t bad at all.
There was an idea I saw from Josh Pargin that resonated with me. If you want to push political, societal, or social change, you NEED strong people. Those who subscribe to chronic despair will NEVER accomplish their goals because they do not have the strength to do the hard things needed to accomplish hard goals. Granted, social media is a big part of this. It makes that race to the bottom so much worse. It makes "awareness" the greatest mountain of moral superiority. It means none of our push to solve our problems will actually lead to anything.
Very well written, but also wondering are things really that bad or are our aspirations for a better life just much much higher than previous generations because we have access (through social media) to unbelievable displays of wealth (which were not shared in the past), and constantly sold things by influencers as a "need" rather than a desire which we save up for or can change our minds on? When you're constantly brainwashed to think the latest skincare trend will save you, your aspirations towards buying more just further decreases your saving potential and actual wealth building. We may be making more money than previous generations but we're also spending in unprecedented numbers on "wants"
Grandma always found the silver lining!
IMHO, I think we are a victim of our affluence. Your grandmother, my mother, and even me to some extent (I am 54) learned early on to deal with some level of hardship… my level of hardship was minor compared to my mother, and hers was minor compared to her mother. But still… if I go back to being 8, there was no snacking between meals, food was eaten at the table, you ate what was on your plate, TV was limited to Saturday morning cartoons, homework was assigned and graded, boredom was a part of childhood that forced us o become creative, and long car rides didn’t come with snacks and entertainment. It was not a horrendously difficult time to be a child, but it still required me to live with discomfort, to be pleasant even if I was mad, to be polite, and any temper tantrum was quickly resolved by a smart smack on the tush to remind me that I was not at the center of the universe. (Not a beating, it didn’t really hurt, it was more of a reboot to the system. Pay attention and behave yourself)
I am a substitute teacher in elementary school and I see how very little discomfort kids deal with today. They each have gigantic water bottles, so they don’t even have to get a little thirsty, they get a snack break, they don’t have to wait in between classes to go to the bathroom, homework is rarely assigned, and only graded on vague effort, they don’t have to deal with the humiliating experience of being publicly graded, their homes are filled with toys and screens, they don’t even have to wait until Saturday to watch a cartoon, their favorite is available to stream at any time. Their Spotify playlist is curated to such an extent that they don’t have to listen to music that they don’t like (remember the 80’s when there would be a song that would get so much airplay and it was like… please, make it stop… and so it did, all original music stopped). They don’t even have to get in the car for an hour drive to grandma’s house without mom packing a bagful of snacks to keep them entertained along the way.
It feels like a Princess and the Pea generation… they are uncomfortable with everything because they have never developed the skills necessary to handle the little inconveniences of life, and they don’t even have the good manners to keep their discomfort private, they have to create a spectacle of their tantrums… and there is no one around the reboot the system.
I agree with all of this and even find myself having to actively fight against the comfort I’ve been conditioned to crave. There’s a whole other article here about the way convenience culture has intensified our aversion to discomfort and made us more unhappy in the long term
Stating that kids don't have to wait till in between classes to use the restroom is a bizarre marker for kids being made to feel uncomfortable. UTIs in kids radically reduced when we "allowed" them to become hydrated and use the bathroom as needed.
Well… I have taught for many years, and I would buy that excuse if we expected kids to wait hours before going to the bathroom, but, at the most, they have to wait 40 minutes. While teaching high school, we moved to an electronic pass system, we could see that some kids were “frequent flyers,” that is would use their pass to go to the bathroom multiple times. (Kids with medical issues had no restrictions on bathroom usage). It was clear to me that they were either abusing the privilege or they genuinely were incapable of holding their bladder. More likely, though, they had lost the ability to wait in mild discomfort for the end of the lesson, a discomfort, I might add, that we have all had to endure in silence as adults, either because we are stuck in traffic, stuck in a meeting, standing in line at a concert, or nowhere near a bathroom. How do we expect them to weather adulthood if even holding their bladder for 40 minutes is too much to ask? —and we are not asking more of them than we do of teachers, our bathrooms are further away than theirs and we still have time in between classes to make it there and back.-
(And for elementary school kids, trust me, teacher walk them to the bathroom on a regular basis, so there is no medical risk to holding it in for a little longer.)
This comment is amazing. You said it all.
I could have quoted and restacked half this article. I’m a millennial. When I was dating before meeting my husband, my major criteria (apart from him needing to be Jewish) was someone who was happy and who I was happy around. Turns out that was a surprisingly radical thought even in 2017. I’m glad my resiliency (because I’ve been through some stuff) has brought me back to happiness. Because what’s the point of telling someone you were in the ICU if you can’t also laugh about the nurse who kept threatening to give you a sponge bath? 😂
Thank you Paige! I had pretty much the same criteria while dating (but ended up compromising on the Jewish part haha). It truly is that simple!
For sure! Even when dating was hard, continuing to go back to happiness made it simple. Which is probably true for any organizing principle… but happiness has the bonus of making it fun.
I wish I could print this and hand it out to everyone! I can hardly talk to people who are so deeply cynical about the general state of the world, and then take no accountability. It’s a victimhood culture (and I completely fell for it for a long time) that’s being taught and reinforced.
My grandparents went through truly horrific shit, same as every generation before them.
Our life and world is what we make of it, and if we choose to despair and be cynical with no accountability or change then there will never be positive change.
Thank God for the challenges I have. Thank God they are not other challenges.
I always think we live in a beautiful world: the mountains, beaches, forests, deserts, waterfalls, meadows ... it's life and society that's difficult. Still, there's so much to enjoy in this life. Despite everything, I'm glad to be living in this era.
Instant follow. This is so my vibe – witty social commentary laced with comedic relief. A big life requires friction
Thank you Sarah!!
I LOVED this! Especially this quote:
"Our progressive impulse to challenge the status quo and demand better are admirable, and we should keep doing it. But chronic despair isn’t activism. It’s just despair. And that despair is making us less equipped to handle everyday challenges and more inclined towards resigned languishing."
Also, the concept that a perfect life is an empty one and the whole point of living is feeling the highs and the lows - the comfort and the discomfort. Thank you for sharing!!
Thank you for writing this! I’m Gen Z and it drives me crazy when I hear people say the world is “worse than it’s ever been” because apart from that being straight up wrong, it also feel incredible ignorant/disrespectful to the struggles of everyone who came before us.
As a History lover throughout my 30 years of life I can’t tell you how this is important. Of course we are suffering, the world SUCKS but also it’s not that bad. It really is not. We are fucking the earth since the beginning of human existence. We are losing rights but we still have more rights than anyone did 200 years ago. We can eat, shower, rest. But internet still tells us it’s not enough. Not enough to have where to rest because we don’t have money, because we could be productive, because this or that. We know of every single person suffering in the world. We know of everyone who is far more rich than us. We know too much. Maybe that’s our biggest crisis. We know too much and yet it seems we know not enough. We know too much to cause suffering but we seem to have forgotten how to soothe ourselves. We are guilty to be happy with little. We panic we won’t have a world to live in. But we are the people living the longest. Algorithms are not only making us addicted. They are telling us we are sad people. They are making us desperate even if realistically and rationally, some of us are ok. Not rich or in the most wonderful life. But we are ok…. This is a great piece AND URGENT
Deleting TikTok and Instagram the last 4 months has done WONDERS in how I see the world. The internet is not a substitute for real life and does not accurately depict our reality. extreme highs and lows are what the algorithm pushes out to you designed to elicit an emotional response to keep you scrolling their app. (Trust me I loved to scroll) Truly my whole outlook has changed deleting these soul sucking apps. Get off of your phones people and start living. Best thing I have ever done for myself.
Totally agree and perfectly ties into another article I wrote about how social media does not accurately reflect our reality https://mollybarth.substack.com/p/is-social-media-real?r=21dwao&utm_medium=ios
"that your disposition towards life is, to some extent, a choice" is a bar!
LOVVVVEEEDD this so so much. I think especially politically people have such a tendency to complain and say “things are awful” or “they’re all as bad as each other” but don’t DO anything about it. You can’t just wallow in it and complain. If you want a difference, make a change. I know people who endlessly complain about things like this and then DONT VOTE.
Thank you for this very well written reality check. The phrase, “comparison is the thief of joy” has been hanging around in my mind recently, and this piece is a great reminder to log off and look at what is my reality. It really isn’t bad at all.
There was an idea I saw from Josh Pargin that resonated with me. If you want to push political, societal, or social change, you NEED strong people. Those who subscribe to chronic despair will NEVER accomplish their goals because they do not have the strength to do the hard things needed to accomplish hard goals. Granted, social media is a big part of this. It makes that race to the bottom so much worse. It makes "awareness" the greatest mountain of moral superiority. It means none of our push to solve our problems will actually lead to anything.
Very well written, but also wondering are things really that bad or are our aspirations for a better life just much much higher than previous generations because we have access (through social media) to unbelievable displays of wealth (which were not shared in the past), and constantly sold things by influencers as a "need" rather than a desire which we save up for or can change our minds on? When you're constantly brainwashed to think the latest skincare trend will save you, your aspirations towards buying more just further decreases your saving potential and actual wealth building. We may be making more money than previous generations but we're also spending in unprecedented numbers on "wants"
Yes absolutely! Our aspirations are higher and also more difficult to achieve (because they are often rooted in shallow consumerism)